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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Nov 6, 2021 9:49:22 GMT
- Could I, uh, get a glass of water?
- We've got water. I don't think we have any bread, but we've got water!
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 8, 2021 7:24:00 GMT
Jerry: I can't take my eyes off that lineswoman. That lineswoman is absolutely mesmerizing.
George: Boy you are really smitten.
Jerry: I gotta talk to her. What do you think?
George: Cold? How are you going to do that? You're not one of those guys.
Jerry: I'm going to psyche myself into it like those people that just walk across the hot coals.
George: They're not mocked and humiliated when they get to the other side.
Jerry: I have to. I won't be able to live with myself.
George: Wait a minute Jerry, there's a bigger issue here. If you go through that wall and become one of those guys I'll be left here on this side. Take me with you.
Jerry: I can't.
George: What are you going to say?
Jerry: I don't know, "Hi".
George: You think you're going to the other side with "Hi"? You're not going to make it.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 10, 2021 23:17:47 GMT
KEITH: Excuse me. I don't want to disturb you, I'm Keith Hernandez and I just want to tell you what a big fan I am. I love your comedy.
JERRY: Really?
KEITH: I've always wanted to do what you do.
JERRY: What I do? You are one of my favorite ball players of all time
GEORGE: Mine too.
KEITH: I love that bit about Jimmy Olson
JERRY: Thank you.
GEORGE: You know Keith, what I've always wondered, with all these ball clubs flying around all season don't you think there would be a plane crash? ...
KEITH: (to Jerry) Do you perform anywhere in new York right now?
JERRY: I'm performing in this club on the east Side. You should come in.
GEORGE: But if you think about it...26 teams, 162 games a season, you'd think eventually an entire team would get wiped out.
KEITH: You know, I live on the East Side.
JERRY: I'll tell you what, I'll give you my number and uh, just give me a call, tell me whenever you want to go.
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Post by theauxphou on Nov 12, 2021 11:30:09 GMT
I like to stop at the duty-free shop!
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Post by masterofallgoons on Nov 12, 2021 12:41:26 GMT
Hey, I got a rubber-pencil thing happening here.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 14, 2021 21:42:12 GMT
I like to stop at the duty-free shop! Kramer: If anything, we'll probably get there early. I'll have a chance to go to the Duty Free shop. George: The Duty Free Shop? Duty Free is the biggest sucker deal in retail. Do you know how much duty is? Kramer: Duty? George: Yeah, "duty". Do you know how much duty is? Kramer: No, I dunno how much duty is. George: Duty is *nothing*. It's like sales tax...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
@Deleted
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2021 16:46:47 GMT
"I have legs."
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Post by NJtoTX on Nov 15, 2021 18:20:53 GMT
Lemme tell you something: if you're a guy and you ask for the doggie bag on a date, you might as well have them just wrap up your genitals too. You're not going to be needing those for awhile, either.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 16, 2021 20:26:42 GMT
George: Boy, she is nice. I like her, I like her Jerry. She's got substance. She oozes substance.
Jerry: Well, go in there and talk to her. She's not going to put them on glass.
George: You mean walk back in? That's the toughest move in the business. You're sending me out to no-man’s-land, and if I get shot down I have to crawl all the way back. Well I can't do it! I can't do it, I tell ya!
(Jerry grabs George forcefully by the collar of his coat)
Jerry: Pull yourself together. Your going in there soldier! That's an order!
(Jerry lightly slaps George on his right arm. George turns to look at the restaurant and the task at hand)
Jerry: Get in there. (he pushes George in the direction of the restaurant)
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 18, 2021 13:59:24 GMT
Elaine: Melrose Place?
Jerry: Yes. Melrose Place.
Elaine: I just didn't know you watched that.
Jerry: Well I do.
Elaine: I mean every time I mention it you never say anything or join in the conversation.
Jerry: Well maybe I was a little embarrassed.
Elaine: You mean this whole time we could have been discussing Sydney and Michael and Jane...
Jerry: And Billy and Jake and Allison, yes we could have discussed it.
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Post by masterofallgoons on Nov 18, 2021 16:04:25 GMT
Now see this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 22, 2021 3:23:32 GMT
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
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Post by Rufus-T on Nov 23, 2021 2:16:19 GMT
Oh, it's you. We were just talking about you. Listen, Jerry doesn't want to talk to you. Nobody wants to talk to you, so why don't you just drop dead?
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Post by masterofallgoons on Nov 23, 2021 20:26:50 GMT
I don't know if I feel comfortable handing out baloney sandwiches in the building.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Nov 24, 2021 0:19:39 GMT
Kramer, I am so sick of you coming in here and eating all my food! Now shut that door and get the hell outta here!
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 25, 2021 7:01:25 GMT
Kramer, I am so sick of you coming in here and eating all my food! Now shut that door and get the hell outta here! 🤣🤣🤣 What is that, a new bit? |
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 28, 2021 5:13:02 GMT
George: Well, hello. Um, ah, specifically the reason that I'm here... Uh, I don't know uh what Elaine told you, but uh I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. Actually, she broke up with me... [struggles with coat zipper] And uh, well, I was the cause of it and uh, I just wanted to find out from you ... What's with this thing?
Dana: So uh, she broke up with you?
George: Yeah, and... Why won't this go down?
Dana: It's all right don't worry about it. So, why did she break up with you?
George: What is with this damn zipper?
Dana: It doesn't matter. You'll fix it later. Tell me about your girlfriend.
George: It's stuck on a piece of cloth here. I can't get the cloth out.
Dana: It doesn't matter.
George: Oh, this is a brand new jacket. Boy, this really burns me up!
Dana: George. George, look at me. Okay, forget about the zipper. What's your girlfriend's name?
George: Susan.
Dana: Okay, we're getting somewhere.
George: [chuckles] It's just so frustrating. It's a brand new jacket. [tries to remove jacket over his head]
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Post by masterofallgoons on Nov 30, 2021 2:02:54 GMT
Rugged? The man's a goblin. He's only been exposed to smoke for four days. By the time this case goes to trial he'll be nothing more than a shrunken head.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Nov 30, 2021 2:56:20 GMT
- Elaine, Elaine, what do you want, what can I do? Is it my job, is that what it is? Elaine, I can't go on like this! Would, would, will you call me, would you call me! Uh, why? Alright, you want me to call you! Elaine, Elaine...
- Oh, Mr. Dalrymple, I am so sorry!
- Alright, alright, what's your name?
- David Richardson.
- Get out, you're fired!
- But Mr. Dalrymple...
- Don't talk back to me! Did you hear what I said, get out. You want me to call the cops? I make and break little worms like you every day! Do you know much money I make? Do you have any idea? Do you know where I live? I can have any woman in this city that I want. Any one! NOW GET OUT! WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT? GO BACK TO WORK! BACK! BACK!
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Post by NJtoTX on Nov 30, 2021 21:00:26 GMT
Let's do it then! Festivus is back! I'll get the pole out of the crawl space.
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