Worst Big-Budget, Major-Studio Hollywood Film Ever Seen
Mar 14, 2017 2:06:13 GMT
theravenking, politicidal, and 1 more like this
Post by Nalkarj on Mar 14, 2017 2:06:13 GMT
Those are a lot of criteria I've listed above, but they mostly just make up an excuse for me to write about the film that meets all of them:
R.I.P.D. (2013), starring Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds.
This movie stinks. Or, in the words of the late, great Roger Ebert (about a movie that, dear God, I thought was better than RIPD), "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."
I saw it at a drive-in theater (yes, they're still around. Not many, but you can find 'em if you look hard enough) in Lake George, NY. (By the way, it seems that I always see lousy films at that theater, even though I do love the feeling of being at a drive-in. I've seen [let's see if I can remember] WALL-E, which I think is overrated, and Underdog, Get Smart, and this stinker, which I all think are terrible, there.)
The plot is a straight retread of Men in Black, right down to the unconvincing special effects, with ghosts-that-look-like-aliens instead of aliens-that-look-like-aliens. Oh, and it lacks any jokes, funny or not.
Jeff Bridges looks embarrassed to be in it (and isn't funny), Reynolds looks like he's just waiting for a paycheck, Kevin Bacon looks around like someone just told a dirty joke, and Mary-Louise Parker tries very hard to create a character but is ultimately let down by a simperingly stupid script.
Every moment is dull, and uninteresting, and the characters are lousy, and the special effects stink, and the action is uneventful, and the twists are unintentionally telegraphed early on, and the acting is terrible, and the sets are terrible, and the plot (plot! My God, can such a word be used to describe it!) is terrible, and idiotic, and by the time you're finished watching it you feel like you've been suckered by conmen cleverer than anyone in The Sting or Mamet's House of Games, in addition to feeling ashamed and somewhat dirty.
This movie stinks. So much so, in fact, that it reaches a fascinating level of badness that for the aspiring screenwriter can be quite instructive, as it's an object lesson on what to avoid when writing, directing, producing, or acting in a movie.
(I try to insert one positive thing in any review, so I'll write this: Stéphanie Szostak, a French actress who plays Reynolds's wife, gives a fairly decent performance in this movie, somehow. God bless her, she's the best thing in the damned movie.)
R.I.P.D. (2013), starring Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds.
This movie stinks. Or, in the words of the late, great Roger Ebert (about a movie that, dear God, I thought was better than RIPD), "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."
I saw it at a drive-in theater (yes, they're still around. Not many, but you can find 'em if you look hard enough) in Lake George, NY. (By the way, it seems that I always see lousy films at that theater, even though I do love the feeling of being at a drive-in. I've seen [let's see if I can remember] WALL-E, which I think is overrated, and Underdog, Get Smart, and this stinker, which I all think are terrible, there.)
The plot is a straight retread of Men in Black, right down to the unconvincing special effects, with ghosts-that-look-like-aliens instead of aliens-that-look-like-aliens. Oh, and it lacks any jokes, funny or not.
Jeff Bridges looks embarrassed to be in it (and isn't funny), Reynolds looks like he's just waiting for a paycheck, Kevin Bacon looks around like someone just told a dirty joke, and Mary-Louise Parker tries very hard to create a character but is ultimately let down by a simperingly stupid script.
Every moment is dull, and uninteresting, and the characters are lousy, and the special effects stink, and the action is uneventful, and the twists are unintentionally telegraphed early on, and the acting is terrible, and the sets are terrible, and the plot (plot! My God, can such a word be used to describe it!) is terrible, and idiotic, and by the time you're finished watching it you feel like you've been suckered by conmen cleverer than anyone in The Sting or Mamet's House of Games, in addition to feeling ashamed and somewhat dirty.
This movie stinks. So much so, in fact, that it reaches a fascinating level of badness that for the aspiring screenwriter can be quite instructive, as it's an object lesson on what to avoid when writing, directing, producing, or acting in a movie.
(I try to insert one positive thing in any review, so I'll write this: Stéphanie Szostak, a French actress who plays Reynolds's wife, gives a fairly decent performance in this movie, somehow. God bless her, she's the best thing in the damned movie.)