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Post by Terrapin Station on Oct 23, 2018 10:03:53 GMT
Me neither. I'd LIKE to, but nothing says "Creeper" like going up to a stranger and telling them they're beautiful and/or you want to go out with them. One of my coworker actually screamed "STRANGER DANGER" the other day when a guy from another department approached her and told her some "creepy" stuff accordign to her. She knew he was another employee but they no contact whatsoever before.
She might have overreacted but that's not the situation you want to face.
And at that point, I'd say, "And given what I know about your personality now? Phew. No thank you. What a friggin nutball."
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Post by Nora on Oct 23, 2018 10:29:47 GMT
so imagine you see a girl walking down the street and decide to talk to her. you approach her and say politely "excuse me, sorry to bother you, i dont do this often, please hear me out: I would love to ask you out to dinner, could I take you out to dinner?" the girl looks at you and say "why, why do you want to take me out for dinner?" What do you respond? "Because I'm really attracted to you--not just the way you look, but the way you carry yourself and what I can glean of your personality from that, and I just want an opportunity for us to get to know something about each other. It may be our only chance. I may never be so lucky to run into you again . . . we could just do coffee or something like that, too." And the reason I would and have approached strangers that way is that I'd be sincere in the above. There might be something about them, not just their looks, but that, too, that I'm really drawn to, and it's true that if you don't say something you may never see them again. It might not work, and it usually doesnt. But it's guaranteed that you'll never see them again if you don't say anything. And sometimes it works. i like your approach. i think it takes a lot of confidence to present something like that the way you describe. but it would be hard to imagine a woman takinf offense in it. the worst that can happen is she doesnt give you her number/agree to go out. i mean if she is a normal individual.
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Post by Nora on Oct 23, 2018 10:31:57 GMT
thanks for all your answers.
so in my case when I asked the guy why, he said “why not?” I thought it was pretty funny. I mean we both knew why he asked, but his response to my question kinda humanized it further for me.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2018 12:02:30 GMT
thanks for all your answers. so in my case when I asked the guy why, he said “why not?” I thought it was pretty funny. I mean we both knew why he asked, but his response to my question kinda humanized it further for me. That is the answer you are supposed to give in philosophy class. When the Prof asks "Why?" You reply "Why not?" Works great in life too!
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Post by mecano04 on Oct 23, 2018 13:25:34 GMT
The creepy factor is off the charts with that approach. why? This is something I never really understood. How is it really diff from approaching a stranger at a bar or a club or anywhere else for that matter? i only consider it creepy when A) the person is overtly sexual/vulgar B) they are resistant and keep pushing after you either dont even stop/respond or say no C) they approach you in clearly inappropriate situations like you are with a guy or a child etc. other than that i am all for people politely asking someone out.
as a woman i dont do it but if i were a guy i think i would. especially if you are clean and decently/well dressed and polite, whats the harm in asking to meet someone? i have been approached on the street multiple time in my life and the only time i thought it was creepy was ABC above. oh I should add D to think of it, a guy approached me the other day introducing himself and then saying "i like white girls". Hehe. needles to say it didnt go further than that, but I thought it was extremely odd. You probably implied or know it but to make sure it's clear, at a bar or club, even if you go there just to get drunk or get a drink with some friends, you probably know that you might be approached by someone. Again, even if you don't go there to meet anybody, you know in the back of your head or "expect" that it might happen.
In the middle of the street, while you are simply going from point A to point B and you are in your own bubble, it's not a moment or place where you would expect that to happen. Sometimes, when people are caught off guard with a direct and out of the blue approach, people don't react so well (see my "Stranger Danger" post above). In other words, it's not everybody that is Ok with that kind (or any kind of) intrusion in their bubble. Or maybe it's just my coworkers and other women in my "entourage".
Also, just to be clear, I'm not saying encounters should be expected to happen.
For instance, about 14 years ago, I was in a relationship with a girl (or woman since she was 20, as long as it doesn't sound creepy ) that I met at the book & video store. I went there to buy Resident Evil (judge me all you want) on DVD. She was the cashier and when she saw the DVD she went "Oh nice, I like that movie. The next one (Resident Apocalypse) is coming out this weekend and I would like to see it" So I took it from there and told her we could go and see it together on Friday. She agreed with a lovely smile.
It's true that I wasn't the one approaching the other (still had to keep the ball in play and not drop it) but I sure as hell didn't expect to come out of the store with the DVD and a date when I first entered.
So the basis of my argument is the intrusion-unexpected aspect of it. Of course you got better chances if you don't fit in A,B,C or D one thing I know from people around me is that decently dressed doesn't exactly have the same meaning for most women and most men.That or I'm just hanging out too much with the weird crowd.
Also, even if you look and act clean, sometimes as in really sometimes, you can just drop things that are insanely creepy and that will ruin the whole thing and that's part of the unknown about that out of the blue approach. Sometimes you do that without even realizing it.
For instance, one of my coworker is a 15 years old stuck in a mid 50's man body. He might be an exception but still. He is married, has 2 grown up daughters and is a grand father but even if he dress decently and still (mostly) act as a grown up he just creeps the f-out of a few women on the subway ride to home. At times he just stares and smile at some women in their early 20s and he really doesn't realize how it comes out. If he was in his 20s it would pass but he just looks like the beer belly creepy uncle and that's how some see it too from the look on their faces.
Anyway, that's pretty much what I got right now.
As for your last paragraph, are you somehow imply that you are a callipygous woman? Because:
***CREEP ALERT actiavted***
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Post by Nora on Oct 23, 2018 17:00:33 GMT
mecano04 - u r right, in a bar or a club one certainly should expect such encounters more. i guess i am just a strong proponent of making connections amongst humans, and dont really see it as such a bother if someone talks to me on the street/anywhere provided they understand “no” and are not vulgar/aggresive. yeah the line between non creepy and creepy is probably very thin and certainly something that may be hard to identify for certain individuals. sadly (as it is a bit of discrimintory nature) less attractive people have a higher chance as coming across as creepy i think. no not implying that (but thanks for teaching me a new word, didnt know it), its just that i live in a completely black neighborhood and as i am usually the only white girl everywhere i think it stands out more somehow. especially with my sickly pale skin and blond hair
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Post by them1ghtyhumph on Oct 23, 2018 18:05:23 GMT
For me, no. Because I grew up in an Italian ghetto, and I know what women are capable of. u have my attention - now i must know - what are women from italian ghetto capable of?? Carrying guns
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Post by mecano04 on Oct 23, 2018 18:23:15 GMT
Nora , you weren't wrong in what you said or the way you approach but to rephrase what you just said it's probably because you have a higher tolerance to people "intruding" into your personal space/bubble. The problem is that this tolerance is something that differs from one person to another. Also, you didn't need to tell me the kind of neighborhood in which you live. I have enough coworkers and friends who are of African descent to know who might have a higher propensity to say things that way and what kind of physical shape they usually go prefer. Anyway I think, as a far as I'm concerned, we went through the question, to your satisfaction I hope. Over & out!
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Post by FridayOnElmStreet on Oct 23, 2018 18:36:36 GMT
"Why Not?"
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Post by Nora on Oct 23, 2018 22:35:13 GMT
did you read on here that thats what he actually said, or is that what you would have genuinely said yourself?
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 23, 2018 23:27:57 GMT
"Evidently there's no one else available so why not?"
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 23, 2018 23:35:46 GMT
so imagine you see a girl walking down the street and decide to talk to her. you approach her and say politely "excuse me, sorry to bother you, i dont do this often, please hear me out: I would love to ask you out to dinner, could I take you out to dinner?" the girl looks at you and say "why, why do you want to take me out for dinner?" What do you respond? I would say: "Well fuck you then! ...gonna turn down a free meal! There's starving people in the world, you know?!" Then I'd fart, walk away and leave her in that cloud.
Just kidding!
In all seriousness, I have approached ladies before, and I've never asked anyone out on a date in the first exchange of words. Its too forward, too needy, too "already planning for the future" if you get my meaning.
Its better to say hi, my name is so and so, offer a compliment, maybe ask about a common interest, and leave it at "can I call you sometime?" If she says no you have your overall answer. If she says yes you have a maybe for dinner. One should never assume of be offended if it goes south.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 23, 2018 23:42:06 GMT
Oh, guys in NYC will certainly do that NYC is one big ugly ball of stress.
...And walking up to girls in NYC worked more often than you'd think.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 23, 2018 23:46:13 GMT
Back when I lived in NYC, in my younger days (LOL), me and some buddies stood on a busy street corner and said "hello" to every single girl that walked by, as a goof! We did this for about 15 minutes and only one said hi back. Pleasantly surprised, we thanked her and asked why she said hi back and she responded "Because I'm from Nebraska." LOL!
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Post by Nora on Oct 23, 2018 23:48:44 GMT
so imagine you see a girl walking down the street and decide to talk to her. you approach her and say politely "excuse me, sorry to bother you, i dont do this often, please hear me out: I would love to ask you out to dinner, could I take you out to dinner?" the girl looks at you and say "why, why do you want to take me out for dinner?" What do you respond? Its better to say hi, my name is so and so, offer a compliment, maybe ask about a common interest, and leave it at "can I call you sometime?" If she says no you have your overall answer. If she says yes you have a maybe for dinner. One should never assume of be offended if it goes south.
you see to me there is not much of a difference if they ask "can i call you sometime" or ask me to dinner. from the moment the person approaches me as a stranger on the street, we BOTH know whats up. Sure the game can be played out via different scenarios, but can i call you to me seems actually even more intrusive than can i buy you a coffee/take you out for dinner. why? can i call you presumes i would give them my number. whereas coffee/dinner plan can be made without me divulging much personal info. anyway, if anything, i would be taking the guys number, instead of giving him mine in either case.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 23, 2018 23:55:21 GMT
Its better to say hi, my name is so and so, offer a compliment, maybe ask about a common interest, and leave it at "can I call you sometime?" If she says no you have your overall answer. If she says yes you have a maybe for dinner. One should never assume of be offended if it goes south.
you see to me there is not much of a difference if they ask "can i call you sometime" or ask me to dinner. from the moment the person approaches me as a stranger on the street, we BOTH know whats up. Sure the game can be played out via different scenarios, but can i call you to me seems actually even more intrusive than can i buy you a coffee/take you out for dinner. why? can i call you presumes i would give them my number. whereas coffee/dinner plan can be made without me divulging much personal info. anyway, if anything, i would be taking the guys number, instead of giving him mine in either case. Hmmm. I dunno. I feel like if you commit to dinner you have to actually show up and spend real time without having a clue of who this person is. You're kinda committed. Whereas on the phone you can have a longer conversation, get to know someone a bit better, and decide whether or not this person is someone you actually want to spend time with face to face. And you can always back out over the phone. For a single lady there's less danger too. The worst you'll get is a harassing phone call as opposed to someone being a real dick in person.
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Post by them1ghtyhumph on Oct 24, 2018 0:06:29 GMT
Nora, it seems as if you are an easy pickup
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Oct 24, 2018 0:11:33 GMT
Nora, it seems as if you are an easy pickup
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Post by Nora on Oct 24, 2018 0:12:18 GMT
Nora, it seems as if you are an easy pickup interested to learn: what from this thread would make you say that?
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Post by Nora on Oct 24, 2018 0:17:09 GMT
you see to me there is not much of a difference if they ask "can i call you sometime" or ask me to dinner. from the moment the person approaches me as a stranger on the street, we BOTH know whats up. Sure the game can be played out via different scenarios, but can i call you to me seems actually even more intrusive than can i buy you a coffee/take you out for dinner. why? can i call you presumes i would give them my number. whereas coffee/dinner plan can be made without me divulging much personal info. anyway, if anything, i would be taking the guys number, instead of giving him mine in either case. Hmmm. I dunno. I feel like if you commit to dinner you have to actually show up and spend real time without having a clue of who this person is. You're kinda committed. Whereas on the phone you can have a longer conversation, get to know someone a bit better, and decide whether or not this person is someone you actually want to spend time with face to face. And you can always back out over the phone. For a single lady there's less danger too. The worst you'll get is a harassing phone call as opposed to someone being a real dick in person. i believe that getting to know someone over the phone (or another remote way) is actually more "dangerous" in a way it may be totally misleading. whereas in person you are more likely to pick up on things you may not be able to see over the phone. also if i would agree to go out with a stranger, then we would of course go to a very public place in a safe neighborhood, i wouldnt get in the car with the person or let them walk me home etc, so i dont really see that as riskier. if the person is a dick you just get up and leave and never see him again, to me that doesnt seem like a challenge. / wheareas actually giving someone my phone number could expose me to unsolicited texts/calls, and blocking someones number doesnt really help THAT much, they can just text you/call you from a diff number.
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