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Post by nutsberryfarm π on Sept 4, 2021 2:54:46 GMT
I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 5, 2021 3:51:45 GMT
I called in sick. I don't work in the rain. But... you're a mailman! 'Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow... ' It's the first one!
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 7, 2021 19:04:50 GMT
Jerry: But in a way, I think I inadvertantly turned this guy into an alcoholic. I hate being around alcoholics because they're either telling you how much they love you or how much they hate you. And those are the two statements that scare me the most. But I think he's okay now because I have no idea how he feels about me. He's finally off the wagon.
Dick: You mean on the wagon.
Jerry: Don't get smart.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 9, 2021 19:20:05 GMT
All right, all right. I want to apologize. I was frightened, I said crazy things. I obviously offended you. I insulted your intelligence. The uromysitisis, the water bottle...I made it all up, and now...I'm going to tell you the truth. Today my father and mother are celebrating their fiftieth, well I'm jumping ahead here, their forty-seventh wedding anniversary. We made arrangements to spend the evening together. They are supposed to be in front of my building at six-fifteen. What I haven't told you, or anyone else for that matter, is that my father's been in a Red Chinese prison for the past fourteen years.
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Post by masterofallgoons on Sept 9, 2021 19:38:50 GMT
So Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, then run off with Jerry's sneakers?
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Post by Carl LaFong on Sept 9, 2021 19:53:42 GMT
Oh, Vic, Iβve fallen over.
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Post by Carl LaFong on Sept 9, 2021 23:20:43 GMT
Donβt tell him, Pike!
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Post by NJtoTX on Sept 10, 2021 1:09:49 GMT
Jerry: [thinking] Now what am I supposed to do here? Shall I go over there? It's not like somebody died. It's Beaches, for god's sake. If she was sitting next to me I'd put my arm around her. I can't be making a big move like going all the way over there. I can't. I won't.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Sept 12, 2021 0:20:52 GMT
I hate when they make you wait in the room. 'Cause it says "Waiting Room". There's no chance of not waiting, 'cause they call it the waiting room, they're going to use it. They've got it. It's all set up for you to wait. And you sit there, you know, and you've got your little magazine. You pretend you're reading it, but you're really looking at the other people. You know, you're thinking about them, things like, "I wonder what he's got. As soon as she goes, I'm getting her magazine." And then they finally call you and it's a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand up and you kinda look around at the other people in the room. "Well, I guess I've been chosen. I'll see you all later!"
You know, so you think you're going to see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No. You're going into the next waiting room. The littler waiting room.
But if they are, you know, doing some sort of medical thing to you, you want to be in the smallest room that they have, I think. You don't want to be in the largest room that they have. You know what I mean? You ever see these operating theaters, that they have, with like, stadium seating? You don't want them doing anything to you that makes other doctors go, "I have to see this!" "Are you kidding? Are they really gonna do that to him?" "Are there seats? Can we get in?" Do they scalp tickets to these things? "I got two for the Winslow tumor, I got two!"
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Post by Carl LaFong on Sept 12, 2021 0:59:46 GMT
Nae cunt gets out of here till we find out what cunt threw that gless.
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Post by Rufus-T on Sept 12, 2021 18:02:20 GMT
The dingo ate your baby!
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Post by masterofallgoons on Sept 12, 2021 18:07:14 GMT
Yeah, you better give me the insurance because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this thing.
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Post by Rufus-T on Sept 12, 2021 18:18:06 GMT
Ya' gotta see the babi - When are ya' gonna see the babi...
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 14, 2021 21:30:43 GMT
Susie didn't commit suicide. She was murdered by Jerry Seinfeld!
Not only that I broke his thumbs.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 15, 2021 17:22:44 GMT
Yeah, I eat the whole apple. The core, stem, seeds, everything.
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Post by Rufus-T on Sept 15, 2021 17:27:42 GMT
George: The baldness gene comes from your grandfather.
Jerry: Then I suppose the bosom gene comes from your grandmother.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 15, 2021 19:05:47 GMT
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 18, 2021 17:13:23 GMT
Jerry: Well if it isn't Shakey the Mohel! You did a hell of a circumcision there pal. But it's not supposed to be a finger.
MOHEL: It was your fault! You flinched!
Jerry: Who made you a mohel? Whadya, get your degree from a matchbook?
MOHEL: (HE MAKES A SUDDEN MOVEMENT) See! See! He flinched again!
Jerry: Good mohel picking, Elaine. You picked a helluva mohel.
MOHEL: One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked sturgeon.
Jerry: Don't threaten me, Butcher Boy.
MOHEL: Butcher Boy?!
Jerry: What was this? (HE IMITATES MOHEL'S FLINCHING) What was this?
MOHEL: What was this? (HE IMITATES JERRY)
JERRY AND MOHEL GET INTO A STRUGGLE.
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Post by Rufus-T on Sept 18, 2021 17:57:06 GMT
Don't you see what Whatley is after? Total joke telling immunity. He's already got the two big religions covered, if he ever gets Polish citizenship there'll be no stopping him.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Sept 20, 2021 11:38:37 GMT
Kramer: Hey... Who wants to have some fun?
Jerry/George: I do!
Kramer: Now are you just saying you want to have fun, or do you really want to have fun?
Jerry: I really want to have fun!
George: I'm just saying I want to have some fun.
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