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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Jul 16, 2022 19:55:15 GMT
Restaurateur: What do you mean-- "stunk up"?
Jerry: I mean the car *stinks*! George, does the car stink?
George: Stinks.
Jerry: Stinks!
Restaurateur: Well, perhaps *you're* the one who has the odour...
Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my *life*, buddy!
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!
Restaurateur: Well, maybe *you're* the one who stunk up the car, rather than the car stinking up you!
George: Oh, it's the chicken and the egg...
Jerry: Thank you very much... Well, then go out and smell the car; see which smells worse.
Restaurateur: I don't have time to smell cars.
George: Forget about smelling the car. Smell the valet. Go to the source... Jerry: You've gotta smell the car
Restaurateur: I'm a busy man
Jerry: C'mon! One whiff!
Restaurateur: Alright, one whiff...
CUT TO: Inside the car
Restaurateur: Alright! I give up! I admit it! It stinks! Now will you let me out!
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Post by Rufus-T on Jul 20, 2022 15:59:18 GMT
Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have til' 5:00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Jul 21, 2022 1:59:07 GMT
- Elaine, how many people would you say are good looking?
- Hmm, 25 percent?
- Twenty-five percent? No way, it's more like 4 to 6 percent. It, it's a 20 to 1 shot.
- You're way off!
- Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau lately? It's a leper colony down there!
- So basically what you're saying is, 95 percent of the population is undateable?
- UNDATEABLE!
- Then how are all of these people getting together?
- Alcohol!
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Post by theauxphou on Jul 22, 2022 23:05:40 GMT
Jerry: You never said it?
George: Once - to a dog. He licked himself and left the room.
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Post by kiwi on Jul 23, 2022 1:32:48 GMT
"I'm an old man! I'm confused! I thought I paid for it!"
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Post by masterofallgoons on Jul 25, 2022 2:54:31 GMT
Well of course they're trying to screw you. What you think? That's what they do, they can make up anything, nobody knows. 'By the way you need a new Johnson rod there.' 'Oh a Johnson rod? Well you better put one of those on.'
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Jul 27, 2022 21:37:53 GMT
Well of course they're trying to screw you. What you think? That's what they do, they can make up anything, nobody knows. 'By the way you need a new Johnson rod there.' 'Oh a Johnson rod? Well you better put one of those on.' It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix!
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Post by Rufus-T on Jul 27, 2022 23:02:13 GMT
I think you've read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories.
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Post by kiwi on Jul 28, 2022 2:55:58 GMT
"It's a Junior Mint."
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Post by masterofallgoons on Jul 28, 2022 11:48:02 GMT
Well of course they're trying to screw you. What you think? That's what they do, they can make up anything, nobody knows. 'By the way you need a new Johnson rod there.' 'Oh a Johnson rod? Well you better put one of those on.' It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix! Different episode!
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Post by masterofallgoons on Jul 28, 2022 17:39:58 GMT
I've got the body of a taut, preteen Swedish boy.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Jul 29, 2022 6:25:19 GMT
It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix! Different episode! You’re right, I mixed it up with the one where he buys the car from Puddy.
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Post by Rufus-T on Jul 29, 2022 18:08:54 GMT
Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Jul 30, 2022 6:50:55 GMT
GEORGE: I really can't comprehend how stupid people can be sometimes. Can you comprehend it?
KRAMER: No, no I can't comprehend it?
GEORGE: I mean we can put a man on the moon but we're basically still very stupid. The guy who's car this is? He could be one of the guys who built the rocket. You see what I'm saying?
KRAMER: Yeah, he could build the rocket but he's still stupid for double-parking and blocking somebody in.
GEORGE: So you really understand my point about building a rocket and double-parking.
KRAMER: Yeah, on one hand he's smart with rockets and on the other part he's dumb with parking. . . . It's cold out here huh?
GEORGE: Maybe it's not even stupidity. Maybe it's just a blatant disregard for basic human decency. If this how dictator's start. Do you think Mussolini would circle the block six times looking for a spot?
KRAMER: How about Idi Amin?
GEORGE: Ill tell you, if I was running for office I would ask for the death penalty for double-parking. If this is allowed to go on this is not a society. THIS IS ANARCHY!
KRAMER: Are those shoes comfortable?
GEORGE: No not really.
KRAMER: They look comfortable.
GEORGE: I know that's why I bought them but they're not comfortable.
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Post by masterofallgoons on Jul 31, 2022 2:33:55 GMT
You better think again, Mojumbo.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Jul 31, 2022 13:12:51 GMT
Elaine: Hi, Judy.
Judy: Hi, Elaine. How are you?
Elaine: Fine.
Jerry: I've seen her in your building.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: I didn't know she was married.
Elaine: She's not! And the guy just took off... Don't say anything to anybody.
Jerry: Who am I gonna tell?
Elaine: I know, it's just something you have to say...
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Post by theauxphou on Aug 1, 2022 2:10:02 GMT
Psychics, vacations — how 'bout getting a job?
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Aug 3, 2022 5:06:08 GMT
Don’t get in trouble with the Yankees. You be nice.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Aug 6, 2022 19:39:19 GMT
Who are you?
I’m Frank Costanza’s lawyer
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Post by gbone on Aug 6, 2022 21:35:20 GMT
Elaine: Jerry saw this guy crash into a car, and he followed him.
Kramer: Good for you! What kind of a sick lowlife would do a thing like that? You know those people, you know they're mentally disturbed. They should be sent to Australia.
Jerry: Australia?
Kramer: Yeah. Yeah, that's where England used to send their convicts.
Jerry: But not anymore.
Kramer: No.
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