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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 19:14:55 GMT
General Hux grilled in New Republic Senate hearing on Rodian interference in the Snoke campaign.
Hux: I did not recall any Snoke associates having contact with the Rodians at the time of my first statement. I only remembered the connection between Phasma and the Rodians after I saw it reported on the Fake News Holograms.
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Post by Oh My Aching Ackbar-Raddus! on Nov 16, 2017 6:28:17 GMT
UPDATE! Additional accusers have come forward against Representative Binks. Controversy grows as new accusations come forward against Jar Jar of sexual harassment. One of Padmé's handmaidens tearfully recanted Binks bumbling physical brush against her. The questionably incidental body contact left the handmaiden feeling uncomfortable. But that was only worsened by Jar Jar's insistence upon her participation in tongue grabbing. He even commented on it in her holographic yearbook. "He's as clumsy as he is stupid!" she sobbed.
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Nov 16, 2017 18:05:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2017 20:22:03 GMT
There Has Been a Pardoning. Have You Felt It?
Today, Supreme Leader Snoke, in accordance with the Galaxy's holiday traditions, gave a full pardon to "Drumstick" the Porg.
The ceremony was wholeheartedly approved by Chewbacca.
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Nov 21, 2017 23:11:11 GMT
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Ben Quadrinaros of the Pod Racing League stands for the Tatooine Anthem and sits down to boos for our Galactic Anthem. Great disrespect! Attendance at Mos Espa Grand Arena way down!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Galactic Senators are working very hard to get Trade Route Tax Reform approved. Hopefully it will not be long, they do not want to disappoint the Trade Federation and the Commerce Guild!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
One Sandtrooper killed by Tusken Raider at the Jundland Wastes Border, another badly hurt. We will seek out and bring to justice those responsible. We will slaughter them like animals!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Gorg-lifting is a very big deal in Mos Espa Marketplace, as it should be ( they cost seven wupiupi ) but not to Jar Jar Binks. Should have gotten him out during my next trip to Tatooine instead. Very ungrateful!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Senator Organa, who is unelectable in the Great System of Alderaan ( it was totally blown away ) was caught saying bad things about your favorite Supreme Leader. Political career is “toast” just like planet!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 19:36:10 GMT
Former Galactic Security Advisor, General Hux has stopped communicating with Snoke's legal team. Some have speculated that this indicates a shift in Special Consul Gial Ackbar's investigation. Has Hux begun cooperating with Mr. Ackbar? Some have speculated that the answer may be yes. Ackbar has yet to comment. Traps may be imminent...
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Nov 25, 2017 19:31:33 GMT
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Bantha Tracks Magazine called to say that I was going to be named “Man (Non-Human) of the Year” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview. and a major photo shoot. I said no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
After Life Day call I will be heading over to Snoke National Lightsaber Club, to fence (quickly) with Kylo Ren. Then back to the Supremacy for talks on bringing even more jobs and companies back to the GALAXY!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Will be speaking to Governor Jabba Hutt Jr. of Tatooine, this morning about bringing peace to the mess that I inherited in the Outer Rim. I will get it done, but what a mistake, in lives and credits (6 trillion), to be there in the first place!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Can you believe that the disrespect for our Galaxy, our Flag, our Anthem continues without penalty to the podracers. The Commissioner has lost control of the hemorrhaging league. Podracers are the boss!
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Post by Hauntedknight87 on Nov 25, 2017 20:07:01 GMT
Is there a snoke Trump parody on Twitter? Because that would be amazing!
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Nov 25, 2017 20:10:19 GMT
Is there a snoke Trump parody on Twitter? Because that would be amazing! Probably! But, I write those myself. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 21:38:54 GMT
Is there a snoke Trump parody on Twitter? Because that would be amazing! They wouldn't be any better than the ones on here!  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2017 22:45:23 GMT
General Hux Pleads Guilty to Lying to New Republic Senate
Speculation that Hux would be assisting Special Consul Gial Ackbar's investigation are now confirmed. Hux is now believed to be offering up evidence against Snoke in exchange for immunity and extradition to Mustafar. Snoke called the investigation a "Sith Hunt".
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Dec 4, 2017 19:25:48 GMT
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
With the Galactic Senate vote on Trade Route Tax Cuts, this could be a big day for the Trade Federation - and the GALAXY!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Trade Route Tax Cuts is why we need Nute Gunray to win on Cato Nemoidia. We need his vote on Death Stars, Military, Pro Sith, and more. No to Lott Dodd, an Organa-Solo Puppet!
Supreme Leader Snoke @realsupremeleader
Report: “ANTI-SNOKE GBI AGENT LED ORGANA-SOLO HOLOGRAM PROBE” Now it all starts to make sense!
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Post by Oh My Aching Ackbar-Raddus! on Dec 4, 2017 19:31:32 GMT
The latest accuser of Representative Binks says he groped her breasts and produced a hologram to prove it. The holographic evidence clearly shows Binks hands in a groping position. But it's inconclusive as to whether he actually made contact with the sleeping Twi'lek dancer.
Twi'lek went public with another incident of sexual misconduct during that same time period. She says her and Binks were working together as part of the Alien Galactic Entertainer tour. When rehearsing a scene Binks kept insisting on practicing tongue grabbing. "Finally..." she says "...I gave in. Then I saw Jar Jar's tongue launch from his mouth and grab ahold of mine. Then he pulled me toward his face and I felt his slimey lips against mine! Then he pulled my tongue down his throat!"
Binks says this is all a misunderstanding. He says his actions were all part of trade negotiations. Jar Jar could not be reached for comment at the time of this journal. But Viceroy Nute Gunray said in defense of Binks "He would never do anything without the approval of the Senate. His tongue blockade is perfectly legal."
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Post by Oh My Aching Ackbar-Raddus! on Dec 4, 2017 19:42:53 GMT
Supreme Leader Snoke excited to promote Trade Route tax cuts to the "common galactic citizen". Snoke declared "These Trade Route tax cuts are not for me! They're NOT good for me!"
The Supreme Leader continued "Let me tell you they're very, very bad for me, people! I've got a lot of rich Knights of Ren right now that are not pleased with me. Let me tell you they're not happy! NOT happy at all."
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Dec 4, 2017 19:58:47 GMT
Snoke's Monday morning perfectly encapsulates his entire leadership
NIEN NUNB
Supreme Leader Snoke did two big things on Monday morning before jumping to Hyperspace:
1. He tweeted a full-scale endorsement of Nute Gunray's Senate campaign on Cato Nemoidia.
2. He offered sympathy for his former national security adviser Armitage Hux, who pleaded guilty last Friday to lying to the GBI.
For any other leader -- literally any other one -- doing one of those things would be considered so politically and legally risky that they wouldn't even talk about it, much less actually say it in a Hologram.
For Snoke, his moves on Gunray and Hux are standard operating procedure -- illustrations of how his leadership is a sort of bizarro version of every other one that has come before it.
Snoke's Monday morning is a telling reminder that the driving force of his leadership is to simply do the opposite -- of what past leaders would have done, of what political conventional wisdom suggests, and of what politeness dictates.
Viewed that way, Snoke's endorsement of Gunray, and his praise for Hux, make total and complete sense. Up is Down. Down is Up. Light is Dark. Dark is Light.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 21:59:52 GMT
I think I'm going to stop watching the mainstream media and get my news from this thread. It's faster, more accurate, and more entertaining. Now where did I put my cup of coffee!?!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 22:49:02 GMT
I think I'm going to stop watching the mainstream media and get my news from this thread. It's faster, more accurate, and more entertaining. Now where did I put my cup of coffee!?! Good call!  Also, found your coffee:☕️ |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 1:40:39 GMT
Snoke Offers Full Endorsement to Senator Binks
Despite the growing number of accusers and mounting evidence that Jar Jar Binks is a real weirdo creep, Supreme Leader Snoke is offering the senator his endorsement in the upcoming New Republic Senate runoff race. Snoke calls Binks' alleged crimes Fake News Holograms and says the senator was only engaging in "Bacta Tank Room Talk"
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 2:31:27 GMT
Snoke Now Claims Access Galaxy Tape a Fake!
The infamous Access Galaxy tape in which then Candidate Snoke engaged in offensive sexual conversation with Elan Sleazebaggano is now being called a fake by the Supreme Leader.
The recording had Snoke famously saying: "Grab em by the Wookie! When you're a Sith Lord they let you do it!"
Snoke had even previously apologized for the tape, calling it "Bacta Tank Talk"
Elan Sleezbaggano has yet to comment.
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Post by President Ackbar™ on Dec 6, 2017 20:21:51 GMT
Snoke recognizes Jeddha City as Jeddha's capital
NIEN NUNB
Supreme Leader Snoke recognized Jeddha City as Jeddha's capital on Wednesday and announced plans to relocate the First Order Embassy there, a move expected to inflame tensions in the system, and unsettle the prospects for peace.
"Today, we finally acknowledge the obvious: that Jeddha City is Jeddha's capital. This is nothing more or less than a recognition of reality. It is also the right thing to do" Snoke said from the Supremacy's Diplomatic Reception Room.
"After more than four decades of war, we are no closer to a lasting peace agreement between the First Order and the Resistance. It would be folly to assume that repeating the exact same formula would now produce a different or better result" he added.
"Today, I am delivering" Snoke said, referencing his campaign promise.
But Snoke's move on Wednesday signaled a willingness to prioritize the fulfillment of another campaign promise over warnings from First Order allies in the system. The decision could also stymie the peace process, and increase security risks in a system that is already on edge.
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