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Post by Catman on Nov 7, 2018 14:28:36 GMT
So how did post nasal drip even come to exist? Have you ever seen a post with a nose?
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Jokes
Nov 9, 2018 11:39:38 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 9, 2018 11:39:38 GMT
I was sitting in the park the other day, watching an old guy feeding the birds and I wondered how long had he been dead...?
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Jokes
Nov 9, 2018 15:33:08 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 9, 2018 15:33:08 GMT
The contestant looked up at the talent show judge and said: "I'd like to dedicate my song to a dear friend, who is lying in the Intensive Care Unit in the local hospital in critical condition, after he was struck down and run over while crossing the road yesterday."
The talent show judge nodded. "Very well, please continue."
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round..."
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Jokes
Nov 9, 2018 15:50:49 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 9, 2018 15:50:49 GMT
The talent show judge looked up at the contestant and said: "When you said you were a Garry Glitter tribute act, we didn't think you meant..."
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 11, 2018 12:03:12 GMT
As the police officer slowly approached the car he'd just pulled over, the driver looked up at him and said: "Thank God you're here! Some guy just threw himself into the boot of my car and shot himself in the back of the head half-a-dozen times!"
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 11, 2018 12:03:42 GMT
And as the sperm swim relentlessly towards the egg, I can't help but wonder if I've ruined my fried-egg breakfast...
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Jokes
Nov 12, 2018 1:14:42 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 12, 2018 1:14:42 GMT
Sadomasochism is a perversion... and it must be clamped down on!
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 12, 2018 1:15:01 GMT
I've always been a very safety-conscious person. At the end of the day, I always switch off all the lights and unplug all the power points.
That's why I got the sack from working in the Intensive Care Unit at my local hospital.
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Jokes
Nov 12, 2018 15:51:56 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 12, 2018 15:51:56 GMT
I was down the street the other day when I suddenly got caught short and had to answer a call of nature.
But not only wouldn't the toilet flush, I'm now banned from the hardware store altogether!
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 12, 2018 21:05:07 GMT
When I spoke to the bank manager over the phone about getting a bank loan for my knitting business, he was very supportive.
But when I showed up to collect the cash, wearing one of the balaclavas I'd knitted...
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 12, 2018 21:31:33 GMT
I went to a Christmas party the other day, but I misheard what the hostess said and instead of kissing her under the mistletoe, I kissed her under the camel-toe...
Oops.
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Post by Lebowskidoo 🦞 on Nov 16, 2018 1:35:42 GMT
Some muffins were baking in an oven: One muffin says to the other muffin: "Man, it sure is getting hot in here!" The other muffin says: Holy shit!!! A talking muffin!!!"
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Jokes
Nov 16, 2018 23:33:41 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 16, 2018 23:33:41 GMT
No mate, that's not how you make a test tube baby...
Now get your dick out of there and pull your pants up!
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Jokes
Nov 16, 2018 23:34:21 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 16, 2018 23:34:21 GMT
Do you want fuller, thicker lips?
Tell a nightclub bouncer he's a twat.
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Jokes
Nov 16, 2018 23:34:48 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 16, 2018 23:34:48 GMT
Do you want smoother skin with less unsightly wrinkles?
Put on weight.
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Jokes
Nov 16, 2018 23:35:05 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 16, 2018 23:35:05 GMT
New anti-wrinkle cream for men...
My scrotum's never felt smoother.
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Jokes
Nov 16, 2018 23:35:57 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 16, 2018 23:35:57 GMT
I once had a one-night stand with a woman, but there was something about her and I just couldn't get hard.
She said: "Don't worry, that use to happen to me."
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Post by Nalkarj on Nov 16, 2018 23:42:05 GMT
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Jokes
Nov 17, 2018 0:19:42 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 0:19:42 GMT
Oh, I misheard you. When you said to put a penny in the Christmas pudding, I thought you said to spend a penny in the Christmas pudding...
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Jokes
Nov 17, 2018 0:19:59 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 0:19:59 GMT
With a trembling voice, the little boy said: "When I asked to see what was in Santa's sack, that's not what I meant..."
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