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Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 1:41:23 GMT
The guy looked down at his one-night stand partner and said: "When I said I was a positive sort of person, I meant HIV."
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 3:50:18 GMT
The driving instructor looked at his new student and said: "When I slap the dashboard with my right hand I want you to make a right turn, when I slap the dashboard with my left hand I want you to make a left turn and when I slap the dashboard with my forehead, I want you to crawl out of the wreckage and go and get help."
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Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 4:11:44 GMT
Well, these Korean meatballs really are the dog's bollocks...
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Jokes
Nov 17, 2018 4:49:34 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 4:49:34 GMT
This year, I got you two birthday presents. The first is a new life insurance policy and the second is inside this cardboard box, but you mustn't open it until I'm a long, long way away...
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Jokes
Nov 17, 2018 23:41:05 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 17, 2018 23:41:05 GMT
Dog to go to good home.
Free prawn crackers with every delivery.
The Mystic East Restaurant...
555 515 515.
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Post by π΅ on Nov 18, 2018 0:36:19 GMT
Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes.
Genie: What will be your first wish?
Dave: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?
Rich: I want a lot of money.
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Jokes
Nov 18, 2018 22:21:22 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 18, 2018 22:21:22 GMT
A leaked line of dialogue from the next MAD MAX film...
"I know you're mad, Max, but getting drunk and blaming everything on the Jews won't help."
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Post by Catman on Nov 18, 2018 23:38:22 GMT
The working title for the original Mad Max was Angry Andrew. Rumor is they also toyed with the idea of Irritated Irving.
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Post by Nalkarj on Nov 18, 2018 23:42:15 GMT
Hostile Horace, Belligerent Benjamin.
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Post by Catman on Nov 18, 2018 23:47:04 GMT
The working title for Dances with Wolves was Prances with Prairie Dogs.
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Jokes
Nov 19, 2018 7:07:56 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 19, 2018 7:07:56 GMT
The working title for the original Mad Max was Angry Andrew. Rumor is they also toyed with the idea of Irritated Irving. There is an Australian rock singer and songwriter, actor, television presenter and reporter called "Angry" Anderson.
He appeared in MAD MAX: BEYOND THUNDERDOME.
He was one of three major stars, along with Mel Gibson and Tina Turner, to be listed as performing their own stunts in the film.
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Post by Johnny-Come-Lately on Nov 19, 2018 7:17:57 GMT
Donald Trump had a problem attending a WW1 memorial because of rain.
It it was Stormy, he comes.
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Jokes
Nov 20, 2018 3:05:37 GMT
Post by cwsims on Nov 20, 2018 3:05:37 GMT
I was walking in a Walmart and saw a lady wearing a shirt that said "honk if you love tatas"
So I grabbed her boob and said "Honk Honk"
im probably not allowed back in walmart
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Jokes
Nov 21, 2018 0:08:07 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 21, 2018 0:08:07 GMT
The sports announcer was commentating on the rugby match.
"And that's a huge tackle! A massive tackle! I've rarely seen a more impressive tackle than that! Yes, he really should've remembered to put his pants on before he came out to play..."
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Post by Catman on Nov 21, 2018 0:49:29 GMT
During the gibbous moon, do werewolves turn into gibbons?
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Post by Catman on Nov 21, 2018 17:03:29 GMT
Most doctors recommend the pumpkin patch for folks addicted to pumpkin spice.
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Post by Pep Streebeck on Nov 21, 2018 17:37:47 GMT
A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.
After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."
The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."
The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
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Jokes
Nov 22, 2018 10:50:35 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 22, 2018 10:50:35 GMT
The trainee builder was caught masturbating on the roof on his first day at work.
Luckily he wasn't sacked, because his boss was prepared to let him wipe the slate clean.
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Jokes
Nov 22, 2018 10:52:45 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 22, 2018 10:52:45 GMT
How dare you make such a suggestion, officer!
I was just smelling the cocaine...
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Jokes
Nov 22, 2018 10:53:02 GMT
Post by ant-mac on Nov 22, 2018 10:53:02 GMT
Nurse, he's going into cardiac arrest! We need to shock him! Quick, ram your finger up his arse!
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